6 Ways to Have Amazing Orgasms at 40-Plus

Sex might feel different as we age due to hormonal shifts and more. Here’s how to enjoy.

By

Janelle King, RN

 
Published April 23, 2021

Orgasms are one of the most intense feelings of physical pleasure, and some reports indicate that women over 40 have better sex, for various reasons, including comfort level and experience. But as you age, hormonal shifts can affect your ability to climax.

But even though getting older can bring orgasms that are less intense, or can take longer to achieve, a few habit changes can increase your chances of experiencing that glorious sensation again and again — whether it happens through intercourse or another act.

Here’s how to help keep the orgasms coming (pun intended) or get them going, right now.

Don’t smoke. Cigarette smoking is dangerous and puts you at greater risk for chronic health conditions like heart disease and cancer. It can also affect your sex life. Cigarettes contain the chemical nicotine, which restricts blood flow and narrows blood vessels, even the ones “down below.” If you smoke, try to quit. You can find tips for quitting at smokefree.gov, and feel free to ask for support from positive people in your life. 

Drink in moderation. In a small study published by Archives of Sexual Behavior in 2018, participants reported alcohol tended to numb sensations during sex, among other outcomes. But that doesn’t mean you have to cut out Cosmos completely. Stick to no more than one drink a day (that’s 12 ounces of beer or 5 ounces of wine) to boost your chances at an enjoyable sexual experience.

Move more — and consider Kegels. There may be a positive relationship between fitness and sexual health, according to a small 2018 study in the Journal of Education and Health Promotion. In that study, researchers found that women who participated in cardiovascular activities consistently were more easily aroused, found sex more pleasurable and experienced orgasms more frequently. Nice, right? Doing Kegel exercises to strengthen your pelvic floor muscles, which stretch like a hammock to support your uterus, bladder, small intestines and rectum, also may help your sexual health.

Talk to your health care provider. Some medications are effective for the condition they treat, but side effects might affect your libido or ability to orgasm. For instance, 42 percent of women described problems reaching orgasm while taking selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), a type of antidepressant, as reported in the 2016 Mayo Clinic Proceedings.

If you have questions about a medication, talk to your health care provider. But don’t change the way you take your medicine without your provider’s advice. If the medication is an issue, your provider can talk with you about changes that might help, which may include switching to another class of drug or adding another drug. Also talk with your provider if you’re having changes like vaginal dryness, irritation or painful sex.

Bonus: If you’re interested, a licensed sex therapist can teach you to understand your body better and help you expand your repertoire of sexual activities.

Try solo play. That’s right. If you have problems with arousal or orgasms, consider using toys (like vibrators) or checking out erotica. These things can offer fun and creative ways to get you to your peak. Also remember, many women need a little clitoral stimulation to get off. To find out what’s most pleasing to you, locate the most sexually sensitive part of your body (usually your clitoris) and experiment with light or blunt pressure, rubbing or tapping. And don’t forget to explore other hot spots like your chest, butt and thighs to help you get aroused.

Talk with your partner, if you have one. Communicating about your most intimate desires can improve your sex life. For instance, you can tell your partner where to touch you to turn you on. If communication feels tricky, first take a deep breath and relax. Talk about the times when you have had amazing sex together. Opening up to your partner can help to increase your satisfaction, too. And then you both can be happy.

 

Janelle King, MPH, RN, is a registered nurse who specializes in sexual and reproductive health. She has spent many years educating young women about the vagina, periods and sex. She has contributed articles to Monthly Gift, Modern Fertility, and The Body among many others. You can find her latest women's health musings on her blog, The Nurse Note.