We’re hearing a lot about scams from AARP this month because awareness helps keep us safe. But if your circle of loved ones is anything like mine, you’re also hearing about it, far too often, from those close to you who are being impacted.
My sister-friends who participate in daily group texts — smart, aware, creative and competent women — have responded supportively as, time and again, one of our own discovers she’s been targeted.
Nobody deserves what happened to my girlfriend
“I just learned more than I wanted to,” texted a talented scribe in her 30s. Days earlier, she’d excitedly shared about learning the ropes of self-publishing after purchasing a production package via a major online seller of books and audio. She plans to turn her historical fiction into an audiobook. “We were supposedly going to talk at 10:00 AM. The [famous company name] folks, or whoever they really were, never called me. It looks like it was a scam. I am disputing the charge with the bank. I doubt that I will ever recover the money.”
My sister-friends who participate in daily group texts — smart, aware, creative and competent women — have responded supportively as, time and again, one of our own discovers she’s been targeted.
When our little crew hears of scams going around, we try to forewarn each other with new articles. We link them into the day’s thread right along with the recipes, jokes and goings-on.
Too late for a well-informed cousin in her 50s — and she usually gives us the 411.
“I got one of those texts,” she wrote. “It wasn’t from [major mobile network] but it said [company name]. It said just what was in that article. You know, your bill is paid, you know, click here for your free gift. So, I clicked. It was really weird, some sort of fit watch. And I couldn’t cancel it. There was no email and no order number. All I had was that original page and a phone number. The first time I called, they said, ‘oh well, it’s on its way so you can’t cancel it.’ Then they said ‘well you know you can just pay X amount, we’re going to bill you half or whatever.’ So I got the thing. It’s just like a piece of cheap shit. And I called and just kept saying that it was an illegal unauthorized transaction. They finally gave me my money back. I still have that cheap watch, the cheapest thing I’ve ever seen.”
“Cuz,”I asked, “how did they get your payment info? I’m wondering if it was built on one of those text to donate apps…”
“Your cousin gave them her payment info.”
“Your cousin…” Sis, there are frequently two instances in which we refer to ourselves in the third person. One is when we’re extremely proud: “Your daughter just closed on her first house.” It’s a sound bite seasoned with humility. The other is when we’re protecting our psyches from an experience so painful it’s still too hard to own. It’s a sound bite seasoned with shame. I reminded my cousin that this happens to millions of people a year. This is organized, sophisticated and systemic evil. We need to stop perceiving those impacted by this crime as if they — we — have some sort of individual failing.
Finding the words to fight evil
And, Sis, shame is what I stopped by to talk to you about today. Listen, if scams are society’s criminal wildfire, shame is the accelerant.
More than half of US adults surveyed identify scam victims as culpable and blameworthy.Nearly a third agree with the statement, 'Honestly, if you fall victim, a lot of that is on you.'