Dispatches From the Dearly Departed

“When a loss involves someone whose presence shaped your life, that bond can continue in a new source of strength, remembrance, and connection,” said Troia Butcher, doctoral candidate in grief counseling and founder of The Good Grief Healing Center.

“Continuing bonds affirm that the relationship changes, but it doesn’t end,” said Hawkins.

It allows the griever to integrate the loss into their life and find comfort in belongings, daily rituals, and symbolic reminders.

After more than a decade, Renee Jones and her family still get rainbow reminders from her husband, Addison, to remind them to preserve the family bond and celebrate life events. There was one over the stadium when their son won his State Championship race, one over their oldest son’s wedding venue, and one when their daughter left the hospital with their first grandson.

“We share the story of the perfect rainbow with our grandchildren who never met him in an earthly life but know him through his signs,” said Jones.

Renee Jones and her family still get rainbow reminders from her husband, Addison, to remind them to preserve the family bond and celebrate life events. There was one over the stadium when their son won his State Championship race, one over their oldest son’s wedding venue, and one when their daughter left the hospital with their first grandson.

ADC can also help you work through past challenges.

“As a Black woman, I know the layers that can exist in grief from personal loss, community trauma, and generational pain. I also know the power of joy, faith, ritual, and remembrance in our healing,” said Hawkins. “Good grief involves learning to make space for those feelings and allowing ourselves to heal without shame.”

Margarette Jacob struggles to know who she is with her granny and mother gone. She spent most of her life caring for and being heavily guided by them in all her life choices. They passed in 1999 and 2016, but still appear in her dreams, always needing her to get them somewhere. She’s finally coming to terms with, not acquiescing to, the decisions they’d make for her.

“I quit my job to be an entrepreneur and shaved my head,” she said. “They would have hated that, but they can’t be hurt or disappointed by my choices anymore. Walking in my freedom now fulfills the desires and hopes they held for me.”

Hawkins states, “Emotional and spiritual connections are a form of love and especially meaningful in Black communities, where honoring ancestors and storytelling are vital parts of cultural identity and healing.”

An everlasting power and presence

While our loved ones can’t be with us forever, the power and presence of their love can be everlasting. Here are five ways to stay connected with them.

Love Letters

“Writing love letters is powerful for Black families, especially when emotional expression wasn’t always encouraged, said Hawkins. “It helps release emotions we’ve held onto and say the things we never got to. Just ask Wilson, Jones, and the twelve other Sorority sisters who co-authored Bridges of Resilience: Empowered Widows’ Epic Journey of Strength and Sisterhood, a profoundly personal collection of their healing stories.

Community Memorial Events

“A community day of healing offers a space to say your loved one’s name aloud, create a placard or token of remembrance, and truly see your grief reflected and respected,” said Butcher.

Living reminders like a flower garden, a planted tree, or even a pet are also meaningful ways to commemorate your loved one.

Holiday Honors

Facing our loved one’s empty seat during the holidays can be tough, but we can change the narrative. “Instead of focusing on their absence, reflect on what they would be doing if they were here,” said Butcher. “Say their name. Share stories. Laugh at their old jokes. Honor the truth that their presence lives on in you.”

Visual Remembrance

For Butcher, looking at photos is more than nostalgia; it keeps the connection alive. Create visual memories like a coffee table book, photo wall, or a collaborative virtual photo album with Google Photos or Amazon Photos. Lift your spirits by getting photos off your phone and into your life.

Finishing Touches

“There’s something profoundly sacred about being able to give them, in death, what they couldn’t finish in life,” said Butcher, whether it’s a garden, a book, a business idea, or a family tradition. That’s a powerful gift of love, remembrance, and healing.

Remember to seek peace in the good grief this holiday season — connections with your dearly departed.

Have you ever been grateful for a spiritual grace from a loved one or a sign from Heaven? Share your thoughts in the comments below.