Ebony T., 45, has always attracted more romantic attention from men of other races than from Black men. But that wasn't always without consequence. She ended one date after a guy she’d invited to her home for dinner rolled his eyes at the mention of Black Lives Matter. “He was removed from my contacts,” she says.
Aurora R., 45, approaches interracial dating eagerly after a “pins and needles” relationship with an angry partner. She felt that some other Black men she dated expected to be catered to. Meeting white and Latin men with whom she feels desired and feminine, she says she can relax and feel protected.
Melanie D., 47, says that non-Black men she’s dated don’t understand her battles as a Black woman, but that she also doesn’t feel valued by Black men. She’s looking for something greater than surface love and will accept that in any form.
Stephanie S., 53, feels defensive toward interest from non-Black romantic prospects during this age of optical allyship, cultural exploration and virtue-signaling. “I would question the motivation and genuineness.”
Karen R., 48, scans the photos in online dating profiles warily. She considers elements like the diversity of the profile poster’s group of friends, clothing details such as mirrored sunglasses and what sort of flags, if any, are on display in the background. She admits to sometimes succumbing to stereotypes and superficial thinking. More than once she formed the impression, “He looks like a white supremacist.”
Dating outside the box, for many sisters, isn’t a rejection of partnerships within their race, but a rejection of the very real prospect of being alone. Dating was hard enough before all of this. How should they now go about finding a mate in this brave, new world?
The world has changed rapidly in such a short period of time as awareness of racial disparities and racially-charged violence grows and a global pandemic has raged for nearly a year. Loneliness these days is amplified due to social distancing — especially for people living alone. And sisters aging without partners may be among the loneliest. Over the past few decades, Black women have been closing the gap on our lower tendency to date interracially compared to Black men and to both men and women of other races. (However, it should be noted that researchers studying this relationship trend often limit their scope to heterosexual partnerships. Their findings don’t faithfully reflect the dynamics experienced by our sisters in the LGBTQIA community.) Social forces putting the squeeze on many Black women’s dating prospects within the African American community include education gaps, colorism, lower life expectancies for Black men and racially disproportionate incarceration rates. Add to that the gap in perceived desirability that favors men and devalues women as we age.