Who is your check-in person? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
I’ve read about it for years and even written about it: As we get older, social isolation and loneliness tend to increase.
However, it wasn’t until recently that I realized it had been happening in my own life. I don’t know about you, but my social circle has definitely gotten smaller over the years. I work from home. Some days, I realize I haven’t spoken to another adult for hours (sometimes not at all). And I’m not just talking about in person. I mean phone calls, texts, all of it. A lot of the time, it’s just me, my computer and whatever’s happening during my workday. Yikes!
It just so happens that around that time, a social media trend emerged in which men would randomly call their male friends to tell them goodnight. Kind of like tucking them in. Many men thought something was wrong and asked the caller, “You good?” or “What happened?” After the confusion and concern, though, an unexpected softness showed up in the calls. The recipients were surprised and appreciated the gesture. Although the goodnight call was meant to be humorous, it revealed that many of us are missing and craving connection.
I took that and my recent realization as a huge wake-up call that I need to start checking in on people (and hopefully be checked on) more often.
An “epidemic of loneliness”
Nowadays, people are less socially connected than they were in the past. In 2023, the U.S. Surgeon General even released an advisory that said the disconnection can be just as bad for health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. Chronic isolation can increase the risk for depression, anxiety, memory issues, heart disease, a weaker immune system and even a shorter lifespan.
Social connection does the opposite. It can reduce stress, improve health and possibly lead to a longer life, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
“I love Libianca’s song ‘People (Check on Me)’ because checking in on someone is important,” says Shuntai Allen-Bey, a licensed professional counselor who serves Michigan and several other states. “Life shifts daily, and you never know what someone is dealing with,” she says. “Checking in on someone reminds them they aren’t alone or invisible and that there’s someone out there interested in them.”
Allen-Bey also points out that, “Just telling someone ‘You crossed my mind today’ shows that they matter to you, which strengthens relationships. And it’s a two-way street because when you check in on someone, they may come around and check in on you.”
Doing something different
I decided to try daily check-ins myself. I’ll be honest. I felt weird about it at first. I worried I would be bugging people and getting on their nerves. To play it safe, I started with my sister. We don’t usually talk on the phone much. Most of our communication is through quick texts and social media tags. But one evening, I switched it up and made the call. I said, “Hey, just checking in on you.” I could tell she was bracing for bad news, so I quickly reassured her everything was okay. She let out a huge sigh of relief. Then we laughed and we chatted for about 10 minutes.