Where Them Fans At?

Book clubs are great. Brunch is fun. But coming together as Black women to talk about menopause with good food, games and prizes makes for an unforgettable gathering.

By

Shanna B. Tiayon

 
Published March 20, 2025

Have you participated in a meetup organized via Sisters From AARP Soul Sanctuary on Facebook? Would you like to? Click the link below to join, and share your thoughts in the comments.

It was a cold and rainy January evening. The Washington D.C. metropolitan area rush hour was in full effect. I turned to look at my friend Tiffanny Bernard Williams, who was riding in the passenger seat, and said, “I hope people show up.” The inflection in my voice let her know my statement was a question. “I think they will,” she responded.

We were on our way to host a menopause meetup titled “The Menopause Dialogues.” We anticipated more than 20 Black women who were curious about what to expect before, during and after menopause. The topic is, for some, taboo.

Tiffanny and I first met more than a decade ago when she was the co-coordinator for the Black Girls RUN! weekly run I signed up to participate in at a juncture when I was determined to reclaim my mental and physical health. Tiffanny later founded The Honeydipped Hikers, a local hiking club that brings together women of color 40 and over. So she had a long history of spearheading activities that focused on Black women’s health, and my professional work over the past two decades has focused on well-being as a right for all, not a privilege.

We weren’t going to rely on our health care professionals to lead the charge, as we found out that for most of us, our doctors never even breached the topic of menopause with us, despite us all being forty and over.

So, we found ourselves in a coffee shop discussing how little information there was about menopause. She, being post-menopausal and frustrated with how she had to suffer through it, while I felt like I was either in or on the cusp of being perimenopausal. All my friends and family circles could tell me was black cohosh! At that moment, the idea for “The Menopause Dialogues” was born.

We invited Angela Marshall, MD, FACP, founder of Comprehensive Women’s Health, Inc., to anchor the event with facts and data. The author of the book Dismissed: Tackling Biases That Undermine Healthcare, Dr. Marshall understands how Black women are often denied access to or overlooked for important health information.

While menopause is diagnosed after a woman has gone 12 consecutive months without her period, there are three phases of menopause: perimenopause (typically when menopausal symptoms first start), menopause (the start of the absence of a cycle for 12 months) and post-menopause (absence of a cycle).

Tiffanny and I got out of the car, entered the restaurant we rented for the event and began to set up. We planned menopause-related games, had door prizes like electric fans (for those hot flashes, of course) and curated a two-course dinner menu to accompany the event and encourage fellowship and connection. Once everything was set up, we waited, looked at the door and hoped the rain didn’t deter people.

Boots on the ground

About five minutes before the start of the event, the most beautiful mocha, caramel and pecan sandy faces started to flood the room. Black women in their 40s, 50s and 60s with various professional backgrounds and personal histories. It was the most magnificent sight to see women voting with their time. They, too, did not want to be in the dark about menopause. And that we weren’t going to rely on our health care professionals to lead the charge, as we found out that for most of us, our doctors never even breached the topic of menopause with us, despite us all being forty and over.

There was joy in connection, laughter around shared experiences and anticipation in the meaningfulness of this part of our reproductive journey. The great aha moment of this experience for me was that we could commune and gab about menopause just as we do about natural hair care, the latest shows or book clubs

To kick off the meeting, we asked each woman to stand up and share her name and what she enjoyed most about her current phase in life. We heard everything from more freedom, confidence and joy in their lives. The intros ignited a 14-karat gold type of Black Girl Magic that stayed with us throughout the evening.

Then, we played menopause-themed games, like “How Many Menopause Symptoms Can You Come Up With” (Hint: there are more than 30 menopause symptoms). Dr. Marshall led us through a captivating discussion on things to know about menopause and how Black women’s menopause experiences and symptoms differ from those of white women.

While I don’t have space here to drop all of the gems, below are a few things that stood out:

 While weight gain is commonly discussed as a menopause symptom, some women actually experience weight loss due to loss in muscle mass.

Women are at a higher risk of cardiovascular disease when they enter menopause due to the loss of estrogen, which helps to protect against heart disease.

Women can continue to have menopausal symptoms even in the post-menopausal period. Dr. Marshall had a patient who had hot flashes well into her 80s (I let out an audible scream when I heard that)

 

When I think about the fear and shame that society tries to attach to menopause, if you were a fly on the wall at “The Menopause Dialogues” event, that myth would have been immediately extinguished. There was joy in connection, laughter around shared experiences and anticipation in the meaningfulness of this part of our reproductive journey. The great aha moment of this experience for me was that we could commune and gab about menopause just as we do about natural hair care, the latest shows or book clubs. The taboo and stigma of the topic was society’s, not ours.

Are you ready to connect around Black women’s health and well-being?

Soul Sanctuary, Sisters From AARP’s private group on Facebook, is the ultimate online social media space designed exclusively for women like us to gather and share our journeys of health, wellness, or happiness in a safe, supportive, members-only environment. Members share uplifting content and participate in chats that connect them to new friends in their local community. You’ll also find a schedule of independently organized local meetups such as brunches, winery visits, game nights, game-show tapings, wellness talks, line dances, concerts and more. If you’d like to plan your own local menopause meetup, Sisters Sanctuary is a great place to do it!

Join the Facebook Group

If you’d like to plan your own local menopause meetup, Sisters Sanctuary is a great place to do it!

Kamili Wilson, Founder of Claret Circle, which hosts Menopause Made Modern to make information about menopause more accessible for women of color, highlights, “We need much more discussion about perimenopause and menopause. Too often, Black women are often left out of the discussions that are being had. On average, Black women reach menopause two years earlier (the average age of menopause in the US is 51), and we tend to experience more severe symptoms over a longer period. We must educate ourselves about this life stage.” We can do that by creating our knowledge communities, seeking our own information and leaning on each other. That was what “The Menopause Dialogues” was all about. I’m still pumped!

Have you participated in a meetup organized via Sisters From AARP Soul Sanctuary on Facebook? Would you like to? Click the link above to join, and share your thoughts in the comments.

Shanna B. Tiayon is a Social Psychologist (PhD), mental health expert, small business owner and freelance journalist. She writes on topics of wellbeing and the ways we may infringe upon the wellbeing of others. She was a 2022 National Magazine Award Finalist.