Shedding Emotional Weight–And Stubborn Pounds

Not only was I moving again, but my mindset and relationship with food also changed. Often, when people are watching their weight, they like to say they will have a "cheat" meal. But Maria told me and others in the program to refrain from using this term and instead replace it with a "treat" meal because there is nothing inherently wrong about food where you must cheat. It is about how you view food and use it to fuel your body. You don't have to sneak around with food or be ashamed. Instead, you must make the right choices when it comes to eating.

Making better choices is what changed for me. I have always been a "foodie." But I had been eating things that weren't helping my body. I cut out many fast-food restaurants. But I still love fried chicken in moderation. I eat desserts, but I only eat foods with ingredients I know and only eat quality ingredients. I once thought dark chocolate was not for me, but I have found dark chocolate candies and some vegan ones I like. I started taking healthy smoothies to work. I learned to try new things and pair different foods for a surprising treat. One of the dishes that I make is stuffed sweet potatoes with scrambled egg whites, sauteed onions, spinach, mushrooms, and carrots with a bit of butter and cinnamon. Yes, butter and cinnamon. I do not deprive myself of anything. This journey taught me to make healthier choices and enjoy food in a balanced way.

Eating the right way became part of my lifestyle, and it helped me turn my health around. By August 2018, at 52, I had several reasons to be excited. My daughter was about to attend the college of her dreams, and I had completed my goal. When I went back to the doctor, he was shocked. I had not only lost weight, going from 273 pounds to 200 pounds, but more importantly, I was no longer borderline diabetic. And I did not have to take medication. I was ecstatic when the doctor told me. I wish you could have seen the look on his face. He was proud of me. He could not believe that I had done this as he stated that most patients would instead take medication to control a condition versus putting in the work to avoid the need for it. I admit this felt good, and I was proud of myself. And I still am proud. To this day, I still don't take medication outside of a multivitamin and a vitamin D supplement because I am vitamin D deficient.

Marian Smith cooking her sweet potato dish in a Sleek Stays kitchenA friend reached out and said she thought I might be depressed because she noticed that I was not doing certain things for myself like I had been. I had lost interest in exercise and put my needs on the back burner.

A setback—and a fresh start

My weight loss is another story. I was proud to have shed pounds and kept going for a while. Once I ended my membership, I still lost weight and reached 187 pounds. But in 2020, I fell off exercising because of a personal issue that arose, and depression crept in again. I did not see it, but a friend reached out and said she thought I might be depressed because she noticed that I was not doing certain things for myself like I had been. I had lost interest in exercise and put my needs on the back burner. I started seeing the weight slowly increase. This continued for years.

Now, at 58 years old, after talking with a trusted confidante and family members about things affecting me, I have come to the revelation that I can deal with personal issues and still care for myself physically and mentally. Mental strength comes from the support I have from family (I'm the youngest of six siblings), friends who pray with me and for me, and through my relationship with God. Now, I remind myself of God's love with daily affirmations, including "I am the head and not the tail." I proclaim my love for myself by declaring, "I love you, Marian." I have incorporated a lot of what I learned during my successful weight loss journey into what I do now. I have not abandoned my healthy eating habits, and I am back to walking in the mornings. Furthermore, I am actively looking for a therapist to help me deal with things that are currently weighing on me, plus the heartache that stems from losing my mother at a young age. I also realize now that a lot of what has held me back comes from rejection that I felt due to my divorce and even from childhood with my father having died before I ever got to know him.

I have come to the revelation that I can deal with personal issues and still care for myself physically and mentally.

Before now, I never thought about the true meaning of loving oneself or the power of self-love. There's more to self-love than buying yourself something pretty or nice. Self-love means truly showing up for yourself. It can be as simple as making sure you stay hydrated or dropping the excuses and getting out there for a morning walk when you don't want to. It can mean taking a step back to care for yourself first so that you can care for others. But it can also mean dealing with issues and refraining from using food to mask.

Although, I have only lost a few pounds so far this time around, I am much happier with where I am. When you exercise, endorphins make you feel good. What else makes you feel good is knowing that you have the tools and support in place to pick yourself back up and start again.

Has there been a time that you are proud of because you recovered from a setback? Who is on your support squad? Share your thoughts in the comments below.