Growing up in rural North Carolina, raised by elderly parents who dipped snuff and chewed tobacco, I followed suit—a decision that had long-term impacts on my dental health. I was 12 years old when my father passed away, and I learned that I was adopted. That explained a lot of things—like why my parents were so much older than my classmates’ parents and why my father sometimes touched me inappropriately.
The revelation made me an angry, rebellious child who coped with my insecurities by self-medicating. By my late teens, I was using harder drugs, primarily marijuana and occasionally cocaine. This was also when I needed my first fillings. By the time I was an adult, my teeth were stained, brittle and fragile. Those in my lower jaw, especially, were so jagged that I sometimes bit my tongue and jaw just trying to eat.
A smile is often viewed as a nonverbal expression of your inner emotions. For most of my life, that couldn’t have been further from the truth. Although I have a big personality and love making people laugh, I was ashamed to smile.
I entered the health care field following high school. I started my career as a certified nursing assistant and became a registered nurse in my early 20s. I went on to earn a master’s degree and currently teach nursing at a community college. As a medical professional, I knew well the risks of substance abuse. Nonetheless, I continued to indulge in things that damaged my teeth and risked my health.
I married when I was 25. Our son Josh was born three years later, and Joey five years after that, but our marriage was troubled and contentious almost from the beginning. I felt bullied and unappreciated, and self-medicated to cope. Of course, this didn’t help my marriage or my ability to be a good parent. My husband and I separated when Josh was 5, and I was pregnant with Joey; we divorced two years later.
Due to my drug use and emotional struggles, the courts awarded my ex-husband full custody and allowed me only supervised visitations. I moved 100 miles away, from Gastonia to Asheville, and made the three-hour round trip every other weekend to see my sons. As tough as it was, this period taught me how to navigate complex family relationships and better cope with my own fears and insecurities.
After several years without incident, I was granted unsupervised visitation over holidays, long weekends, and summer breaks. That’s when I truly began to rebuild my relationship with the boys. While they were forgiving and loving, I couldn’t shake the guilt of not being with them full-time. Therapy helped me deal with my self-doubt and general insecurities, and eventually let go of the drugs.
During all this, Josh and Joey thrived academically and athletically. They both attended the University of North Carolina–Chapel Hill, followed by UNC dental school for Josh and Vanderbilt University Law School for Joey.
